User blog:HallOfFame/How Wikians Get Away with Murder - Episode 1
"At Least We Don't Get Off from the Misfortune of Others" Open on a close-up of Jo’s face. Jo: Last chance. If any of you don’t want any part in this, speak up now. Switch to a close-up of Lauren’s face. Lauren: We’re all in this together. Back to Jo. Jo: How about you, CJ? You don’t look too well buddy. CJ: I’m sorry if I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in prison. Camille: None of us is going to prison. CJ: And how do you know that? Camille: Because with how twisted this all is, we’re going to spend the rest of our lives in an asylum. Cam: You’re not helping. Camille: Just spilling the truth tea. Lauren: CC...you haven’t said a word all night. What are you thinking? CC: I think...the longer we take to light this up, the better our chances are for whatever futures we have left to burn. Sarah: Alright...no turning back now. Zoom out of Sarah’s face to the seven of them in a forest, surrounding a large bag on the ground. Sarah takes the match she has in her hand and lights it up, dropping onto the bag. The seven step back, as Sarah continues to light matches and throws them in. CC: I think that’s good. Sarah gives CC a look, then stops lighting matches. The seven watch as the flames grow. Jo gives a pokerface, Lauren and CC hold each other and look away, Cam takes a big inhale then exhale as his breath is seen in the cold air, tears roll down CJ’s face, and Camille shakes her head slightly as she smirks. A close-up of the bag, where a man’s face is seen - a man’s body is being burned. Another close-up of Sarah’s face, as she closes her eyes. She opens them again and finds herself standing in a shower. Blood is seen being washed away into the drain. Moving up her leg, a fresh cut is seen. She rinses the blood away, stepping out of the shower to wrap a bandage around the cut. Toweling off, she looks at herself in the bathroom mirror. She is interrupted by a knock on the door and a man calling her name. She gets out of the bathroom, clothed, and gives the man a look. Man: Took you long enough. We need to be on the road..like half an hour ago. Sarah: I’m sorry if cleaning my bloody leg is inconvenient for you. In fact it is kind of your fault. Man: My fault? It’s not like I pushed you out of my truck, causing you to scrape your leg, darling. And I don’t think that’s anyway to talk to the guy that’s driving your hitchhiking ass all the way to Toronto from Iowa. The man picks up both of their bags and walks out the door, the sunlight entering the motel room. Man: What are you waiting for Iowa? I thought you were just dying to get to Toronto. Sarah follows him out of the motel room, with “16 hours earlier” appearing next to her. Cut to an airport, where CC stands near the baggage claim with a sign. A man next to her, also holding a sign, reads hers. Man: “Loveya”? Wow, you really missed your hubby, didn’t you? CC: Wifey, actually. Lauren walks through the airport and sees CC holding the sign. They both run towards each other, meeting with a hug. Lauren is about to break the hug when CC holds her tighter. CC: This is my first time touching you...feeling you. I’d be damned if I were to let go so soon. Lauren laughs and continues hugging CC. Cut to a shot of a traffic jam. In a car, Jo is driving with CJ in shotgun. Jo: Damn. When Cam told me Toronto traffic was brutal, he wasn’t kidding. CJ: Please, I’m sure it’s just as bad, or even worse in New York. Jo: Considering I’ve used the subway as my primary form of transportation practically my whole life, I really wouldn’t know. CJ: Well, then I guess I should take my “thank you for picking me up from Delaware and driving us all the way to Toronto” back, and instead say “you're welcome”. Jo: For? CJ: For liberating you from the underground world like a mole. Jo laughs and shoves him. Cut to a daycare, where Cam is scrambling to make it out the door. Children hold onto his legs and climb onto his back, slowing him down. Cam: I really need to go, please! A co-worker chuckles as she picks up the child on his back. Co-worker: Alright kids. First one to the storytime circle gets an icecream sandwich. The kids all break free from Cam. Cam: Thank you, Tori. Tori: It’s no problem. Go have fun. Cam heads out of the door. Cut to a coffeeshop, where Camille walks in and sees her friends sitting at a table. They all clap and cheer as she takes a small bow. Jo holds her hand out. Jo: CJ, Lauren, fork up the cash. CJ and Lauren take their wallets out and give Jo $5 each. CJ: I was so sure that Sarah would be the last one, considering she hasn’t responded to ANY OF OUR TEXTS. Sarah: I’m sorry, but I couldn’t let my phone be in plain sight. Didn’t want it stolen by the guys driving me. CC: So, your phone getting stolen was your biggest concern with regards to hitchhiking for 24 hours. Camille: You hitchhiked? Are you fucking crazy? Sarah: Hey, I’m alive, aren’t I? Cam: I’m just so happy you’re all here. I never thought in a million years we’d all just meet up in person. Jo: Well, Murder Con is tonight. What kind of thriller forum admins would we be if we didn’t attend? Camille: Speaking of...we need to take a selfie and post it on the site. Camille takes out her phone and everyone gathers together in front of the camera. Lauren: This is gonna go down in history. CJ: What should we say? Camille: How about we just scream? Cam: Works for me. Camille: Alright, 3-2-1. The seven all scream at the top of their lungs, disturbing everyone in the coffeeshop. Camille: Alright, now to get to business. Where does Drake live? They all laugh with a man looking at them from outside of the coffeeshop window -- it is the same man that was being burned. In quick flashes, the man’s current face outside the window and his face being burned that night interchange. Cut to a hotel room, where the five girls are all drinking and dancing to music playing on Spotify. Lauren and CC dance together, while Sarah, Camille and Jo all take a shot together. A knock is heard on the door, and Lauren turns down the music. She looks through the peephole and doesn’t see anyone outside. Lauren: That’s weird. There’s no one there. She checks again and sudden Cam jumps from below, scaring her. She laughs and opens the door to Cam and CJ walking in with more liquor. Lauren: You almost gave me a heartattack. Cam: Please. If that scared you, how will you possibly handle Murder Con? Lauren: I’ll have my kickass girlfriend there to protect me. Jo: So you sure you prefer to sleep on the couch of Cam’s bachelor pad? CJ: A hell of a lot better than sleeping on the floor with a room full of girls. Jo: Yeah? Would you prefer sleeping on the floor with a room full of men? CJ: Haha, you’re horrible. Jo: Tell me something I don’t know. Jo opens the bottle of champagne CJ hands her and it explodes all over him, with Jo laughing. CC checks her phone. CC: You guys, everyone’s freaking out about all of us meeting up. Her face begins to drop. CC: Oh no...guess who made his millionth sockpuppet. Camille: Girl, put that away. We are on vacation. I’d be drinking right now than worry about Douchemond crawling back out of the oshun. CC: We might be on vacation, but it’s also Halloween, and you know what that means? Sarah: A bunch of horror-obsessed sociopaths who celebrate this holy day by tormenting the Internet. CC: Exactly. Sarah: I mean, we’re also horror-obsessed sociopaths, but at least don’t get off from the misfortune of others. Jo: Look, the site is fine. We gave Xav and Hunter admin rights for the next few days so they could handle the trolls in our absences. I’m sure they’re putting the beast back in the oshun as we speak. Cut to Hunter on his computer, skyping with Xav. Hunter: And...blocked. He takes his right hand off the keyboard and shapes it like a gun, blowing the top of his index and middle finger. Xav: Good job buddy. Hunter: Thank you henny. I’m about to make a post about him, but I need a clever gif at the end of it. I’ll send you two Drag Race gifs and you tell me your fave one. Xav: Hunter, you know I know nothing about Drag Race. Hunter: Fine...Nene Leakes it is… Cut to hotel room, where the crew all show each other their costumes for Murder Con. Cam and CJ stand in front of the girls in sweater vests, holding golf clubs. While CJ flaunts his outfit, Cam looks disappointed. Cam: I’m sorry, who’s idea was it for us to go as the characters from Scream Queens? I don’t even watch the fucking show. Lauren: Well, we’re all starving students. And not to mention I just spent two grand on a plane ticket. So we’re balling on a budget. Cam: Fine, but I’m the frat president. CJ: And that leaves me with Grey Earl? Is it because I’m black. Sarah: You could be Dead Gay Boone. CJ: Thank you Sarah...or should I say, Queen Chanel. Sarah gets up front of the rest of the girls, who are all wearing flashy clothing, with Lauren wearing earmuffs and Jo sporting a neckbrace. Sarah: Alright you sorry excuses for minions. Tonight night is Murder Con. And while I would rather make some 50 Shades love with Donald Trump than be squished in an uber probably driven by a guy who will probably try to sell us weed, or his mixtape, getting a leg massage from those cactuses you use to walk with, that’s how we’re getting to Murder Con, where I will be damned if I don’t have my boobs signed by the whole cast of How I Met Your Mother Getting Away from Murder. Do I make myself clear? Jo: Meh, B+ for stepping out of your comfort zone and saying you’d fuck Donald Trump. Sarah: God, that was hard to say. CJ: I’m so happy we’re doing this guys. I’ve wanted to go to Murder Con for years, and now I get to do it with my best friends. Lauren: Other people wouldn’t get it. Becoming so close with strangers on the Internet and going as far as to meet them in person… Camille: Can I just say I’m glad y’all aren’t catfish. Lauren: But seriously...I trust you guys with my life. The long distance has no effect on our relationship. We’re not just admins on a forum. We’re family. Cam: How long are you in Toronto for, again? The seven of them chuckle, finishing their drinks. Sarah looks at her phone. Sarah: Uber’s here. They all get ready and head out the door. In front of the hotel, a black SUV is parked. Cam: Balling on a budget. They all get inside the car, with Sarah sitting in shotgun. Driver: You Sarah? Sarah: You Ari? Ari chuckles as he starts to drive. Ari: So, what frat house are we going to tonight? Sarah: If you had checked the app, you’d know we’re actually going to Murder Con. Ari: Right, right. Hey, since we’re all here, any of you wanna buy some kush? Sarah looks back at her friends, and they all start to laugh. Ari: How about I just play my mixtape? Sarah: You’ve gotta be kidding me. Ari: You know, the next time you wanna talk shit about your uber driver, you might not wanna answer your phone when he calls you. Sarah gives him a confused look, then looks at her call log to see a 6-minute phone conversation from that night. Sarah: I… Ari: Don’t bother saying anything. The only apologies I accept are in the form of a very rewarding tip. He looks at her, chuckling, and she joins him laughing. They get to the convention, and the seven get out of the car. Sarah: Thanks. She begins to walk away, but he calls her names. She returns to the window. Ari: If you ever need a ride, fuck the app and call me personally. Sarah: I don’t even live here. I’m just visiting. Ari: Oh don’t worry, I’ll find someone new when you go home. Sarah shakes her head, smirking. She walks away again, and Ari drives off. The crew stands in line for the entrance. The stalker approaches the line, standing behind them, smirking. In a montage, the seven have meet and greets with their favourite horror actors, and participate in challenges and games, taking tons of pictures. The seven of them are waiting to go inside the main event: the haunted house. Camille is scrolling through the pictures she took, and she notices the stalker in the background in most of them. Camille: Hey guys, tell me I’m not going crazy. CC: On Halloween? What...are you turning into a werewolf or something? Lauren: Look on the brightside. At least you now have a better chance at being with Derek Hale. CC and Lauren high-five each other laughing. Camille: Just...look. This guy in the background… CJ: You think he’s stalking us or something? Cam: I think you’re just being paranoid. Besides, we’re in a venue full of people. It’s not like he’s gonna kill us or something. The usher at the haunted house entrance signals the seven to enter. The usual jump scares happen. Suddenly, (fake) bats fly around the hall, with the seven trying to shield themselves. After the bats leave, the squad all look at each other, relieved. Cam: Um...where’s Jo? Everyone looks again, worried. Cut to a room in the haunted house, with mirrors everywhere. Jo is in it and sees a shadowy figure in the reflections of the mirror. Jo: I get it. You “kidnap” me, and my friends try to find me. Very cool trick, Murder Con. Should I scream or something? Or will that give it away? Kidnapper: This isn’t a trick, Jo. Jo: How do you know my name? Kidnapper: You’re the leader. They all listen to you. They all respect you. Jo: Who the hell are you? Kidnapper: I’m asking you...very nicely...to accept my request. Jo: What’s your request? The kidnapper’s reflection approaches Jo, forcing her to step backwards. A hand is put in her shoulder and she screams, turning around to see the stalker from Camille’s pictures. Jo: Who the hell are you? Why are you following me? Kidnapper: I’m the man you need to make right with. You humiliated me. You tarnished my reputation in the entire horror fandom. Jo: Wh-what… Kidnapper: Skull..2..6..3..7..4. Jo: Oh...I get it. You’re a disgusting troll who thinks kidnapping the person who rightfully banned your sorry ass will make her do what you want. And here I thought you were an actual threat… She shoves him out of her way, and he grabs her arm, pulling out a knife with his other hand. Skull26374: You should’ve given me a chance. Jo tries to struggle free as he raises the knife and swings at her neck. Luckily, the knife hits the neckbrace. Jo kicks him in the nuts, and he doubles over in pain. She manages to escape and runs out of the haunted house, bumping into her friends. Sarah: Where the hell were you? Jo: We need to leave. CJ: Why? What happened? Jo: That guy in all those pictures...he’s from the site. Camille: What the hell are you talking… Jo: Skull26374. That troll that almost got the site shut down...he just attacked me with a knife. CC: We need to call the police. Sarah: No! Everybody looks at Sarah. CC: Somebody just tried to kill Jo. What do you mean “no”? Sarah: I’ll explain later. Let me just call Ari to take us back to the hotel. Jo: Sarah… Sarah: You’ll be fine, Jo. We’ll all be fine, I promise. Just no cops. After a bit, Sarah gets a text from Ari, saying that he’s outside. Sarah: He’s here. They all walk outside and get in the car. Ari: Missed me already? Sarah: Just drive… The passengers remain silent all the way to the hotel. They get in their hotel room, and Sarah locks the door. She exhales, looking at everyone. Lauren: Why don’t you want us to call the cops, Sarah? Sarah: I don’t want you guys to look at me differently. Cam: Just be honest with us. Sarah: Alright….I’m breaking parole right now. I shouldn’t even have left Iowa. That’s why I hitchhiked. CC: How the hell did you get through the Canadian border? Sarah: The less you know the better. She awkwardly laughs, with the rest of the squad trying to process that their fellow admin is a fugitive. Sarah: Look, my parole officer only sees me once a week. He won’t even know I’m gone. I really wanted to meet you guys. Lauren said it earlier...we’re family. Jo: I don’t think of you differently because of this. We support you, right guys? Everyone nods, accepting Sarah’s secret. CJ: So now what? Suddenly, Skull26374 comes out of the bathroom, still holding his knife. Skull26374: Now we make things right. Cam: Don’t do this, man. You’re as big of a horror genre fan as we are. You know this won’t end well for you. Skull26374: No Cam, this is real life. And in real life, justice is served. People forgive each other. So why won’t you forgive me?!?! Camille: You know what you did, you disgusting son of a bitch. You’re lucky all you got was a ban and that you’re not rotting in jail right now. Skull26374: The seven of you ruined my life. So, now I’m gonna end yours. He charges at Camille with the knife, but Lauren takes a vase from the table and smashes it on his head. He manages to grab onto her arm. Skull27364: Lauren...the sassy one. I remember when you told me to jump off a cliff. Well how about we show your friends how well you fly? He begins dragging her to the balcony. Cam attempts to charge at him, but he holds the knife at Lauren’s throat. Skull27364: Come any close and I swear to God, I’ll slice her throat. CC: Lauren...it’s gonna be ok. The stalker manages to get to the railing and bends Lauren over it, forcing her to look below. Skull27364: Hateya. Suddenly, Sarah charges at him and manages to knock both him and herself over the railing, down to the hotel pool below. The knife falls on the ground. The rest of the squad looks below and see a hand come out of the pool and onto the edge. It’s Sarah. She gets out of the pool, breathing heavily. Suddenly, the stalker also appears out of the pool. Sarah charges at him again, but this time, she manages to get him on his back, dunking his head backwards into the pool. He struggles to get free, but she doesn’t let go, forcing him to drown. After a while, his body stops moving, and Sarah lets out a big exhale. She lets him go, and the rest of his body falls into the water. As she inches away from the pool, her friends arrive. They help her up and all give her a hug. Jo: Where is he? Sarah gives her a look, then looks at the pool. His lifeless body appears, floating in the water. Category:Blog posts